Strangest thing about this breakup is that I actually felt worse in the moments leading up to it. I guess it is because of uncertainty… you sense there is something wrong, without really knowing what it is until he or she decides to tell you.
Note to self: whenever you feel uncertain about a relationship try claiming some space for yourself. He or she might have not made up their mind yet and because of this fear you will say and act against your case instead of doing the right thing. Also: you have to – I repeat – HAVE TO love yourself before entering a new relationship + keep this feeling during the relationship and if you have been thinking negative thoughts… you probably aren’t loving yourself or life the way you should. So: slow down, take a breath and never forget to put yourself first.
Another winner-quote in my opinion:
“Nobody can love you more than you love yourself.”
So make your own conclusions when you are feeling a bit down.
Things that I need to work on (I hope you won’t judge me because I think it’s bad :D) my fear of commitment in the first place… and the fact that this fear of commitment tends to change into abandonment issues once the guy has swept me of my feet.
I don’t know how I to improve on this field, but I wanted to mention it at this early stage of my blog just in case somebody out there has some tips… then I can start working on it right away.
Things that I have started doing the past couple of weeks are:
- New (extreme) activities that I’ve always wanted to do but for some reason was holding myself back from doing, including:
- Wall climbing: something I loved when I was a child (at special occasions with school), but never thought about doing on my own.
- Snowboarding: something I always wanted to do, but never thought of doing by myself. My ex (wow it’s weird to call him that for the first time) always said he would take me… but never did. So when a friend told me she would be happy to help me get started (a few weeks ago) I didn’t have to think twice. She actually asked me if I wanted to join her family on the snowboard holiday next year in February, so I’ll need to learn by then.
- Surfing: I have done it once, four years ago. A person who used to be a friend (but we have sadly grown apart) asked me back then, we did a group journey to Lacanau (France) and I had the chance to experience surfing. I wasn’t nearly strong enough to be able to get up on the board, but I knew I could love this. So now I am trying to find people to join me to France this summer, so we can take surf-lessons.
- Probably canyoning: I had never heard of this, but the wall climbing instructor told me about his experience with this sport. When I got home I looked it up online and I was immediately thrilled about it… I only need to find 5 other people who have time on the same day and we’re ready to start rappelling, jumping in the river and swimming/walking through it.
- Sky diving… something I never thought I would do. One thing that I don’t really like is: my ex wanted to do this whenever he found the time (still hasn’t), I didn’t want to do it because it reminded me of a friend who sadly committed suicide last year (december 2011) by jumping of an areal work platform.
A few weeks ago I was watching “Plain Jane” on mtv and there was a girl who had to go sky diving and afterwards she said “now that I’ve done this, I have the feeling I can do anything”. And that made me think: hmmmm… that might be thé thing that will give me a boost of self-esteem.
And so that story will continue with me jumping out of an airplane any time soon. They’ll make a video or take pictures of me while I am doing this, so maybe I’ll place them on this blog.
- Old sports that I couldn’t do for a while either because “I was too busy” with my relationship, or I was having troubles with my back or they were on a winter break.
- A lot of soul-searching. On one hand I’ve been trying to get over him and on the other hand I’ve been looking for ways to grow as a self-fulfilled person. Looking for ways to be happy on my own so I don’t need a relationship (realizing – due to the book about “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama – that people don’t get much happier or unhappier after winning the lottery or finding out they have cancer, they get happy or sad for a little while but soon the original levels of happiness are restored.
This means that if I can manage to become an extremely happy person without a relationship… that won’t change when I have a relationship.
Even more: I won’t need anyone else in order to feel this way and that will give me some kind of irresistible attraction… I think :D). I am already feeling the benefits of this way of thinking as I am trying to accept this situation and use it for the best. Acceptance is a very powerful state of mind and at the moment I manage to do this about 80% of the time.
- Picking up old hobbies: photography, blogging, writing in general (looking for pen pals)
- Dating other men… I’m not 100% pro this idea, but my mom actually told me to do this (just so you know: I am 26). So I subscribed to a website yesterday, realizing it is actually way too early to be thinking about someone new. I did read blogs from relationship-coaches that said that it was a good thing to do this so you can learn how to “receive”. Definitely something I had problems with during the relationship (think: “No honey, I’ll clear the table.” While he was actually almost in the kitchen with the dishes. I need to learn to let go and let them do these simple things for me. To let them love me, like I love them and equally give instead of trying to have the upper hand of giving. Instead of trying to be “a good girl”… it doesn’t pay to be a good girl if you cannot receive similar things to what you have been giving).
- Taking care of myself in any way possible. Meaning: trying to look my best, just for me. Because it feels so good to pamper yourself. So I decided to go to a stylist in a week, so I can find a way to express the inner “me” without saying a word.
It actually starts to feel good being an independent twenty-something woman with a good job who can spend her money on whatever she likes.
Have a great day!
- Today on Wandas Couch: Just Thinking (wandascouch.wordpress.com)
- Happiness, Love, Nature & Nurture – 18/04/2013 (erisyu.wordpress.com)
- Its not the situation…it’s the person (girldiaries101.wordpress.com)
- What feels Good vs. What doesn’t feel Good (kreativeinspirations.wordpress.com)
- Length of time together in failed relationships or marriages (counselorssoapbox.com)
- Steps to Be Positive and Happy (parisanoman.wordpress.com)