Too High

I’m not afraid to fall; it means I climbed too high. Either way it shows at least I tried.

no-bird-soars-menucha-citron

This journey of discovery will take some weird turns along the way. And I think I arrived at one today. Suddenly out of nowhere I realize that I expect too much from day-to-day life.

The sun has been shining all day with periods of perfect clouds and periods of just the most perfect shade of blue and yet somehow I fail to see the beauty of all of it. I somehow managed to forget about enjoying the simple things in life. I loved that the sun was shining, but the idea of the sun shining wasn’t enough…

I felt obligated to do something.

And I guess that is one of the things that has me stuck in an unhappy state of mind whenever I’m single. Somehow I got the idea that just sitting in your couch in front of your tv, watching a good romantic movie and eat some potato chips on a saturday night is a bad thing. I still enjoy doing it, but I feel sad because I feel like it’s saturday night I feel like I should be out doing something that I would refer to as “useful” like: I should attend a barbecue, I should go have a drink with someone in the city, I should go to an amusement park, I should go to the cinema, to the theater, go on a holiday, do something stupid, whatever…
but something inside me is screaming: this isn’t enough!!!!!

Maybe even most of all, I feel like I should have my soul mate by my side by now.

Should should should… 

And so I found myself lying in his couch just a few months ago… on a sunday afternoon… after a very busy week… while he just fell asleep since he was so tired. Not caring about wasting his sunday. Not caring about mine. And I couldn’t figure out how someone who only had one free day in the week could possibly use that day just to sleep…

I guess sometimes he also just wasn’t enough.

And I wasn’t enough for not telling him that it bothered me. Hold on: today I am proud of not telling him that it bothered me, because it’s his good right to use his sunday as he pleases. I should do that too! Instead of always wanting more and more and action and more action.

I should re-enable myself to just enjoy the moment as it is: nothing more, nothing less. A sunny day can be perfect even when all I do is lie on the grass and look up to the sky. Life is good enough if I just try my best in achieving my goals without forgetting to enjoy the road to them.

I need to start listening to my heart, look at the possibilities and make the best of it.
A child will always find something to do, they find joy in the silliest things, they take comfort in being able to watch an episode of “The Simpsons”. They don’t feel any pressure to achieve something every day, they don’t care as much if this moment will bring them happiness or not… if they aren’t happy doing what they’re doing on their “free day”, they just try to do something else that lies in their possibilities. Simple life. Less is more!

The sky is the limit, but maybe I just don’t need to go up there every day. And when I am on my way up there… I should try to enjoy those moments too.

These moments used to be enough… they should become more than enough.

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