There has been another thing I have been trying to “fix” about myself these past couple of months and as I go I am actually really benefitting from the advantages of it.
I am talking about: expressing my feelings more. Being more open about them and try to find a way to express them.
I never realised what this could do for a person and I never realised there would be benefits in it at all.
As I mentioned before: I always felt like the odd one out, a shy, awkward girl (now woman) who doesn’t always know how to behave in a self-confident way… often saying nothing because of her fear of people realising she is really weird, sometimes being so enthusiastic while also thinking people would think she was over-the-top really weird, but not caring at the time.
And guess now: fact is I am not that weird at all. Shortly after expressing my feelings more often (even if it sometimes was just an internal job where I would try to define the feeling just for myself), I noticed a lot of people either said they felt the same, or they comforted me and told me that what I felt was normal. Leaving me feeling relieved instead of pondering afterwards about the fact if anyone thought I was being weird or not. I even get the idea that people like me more after I share my feelings and thoughts.
Opening up to people in a small way, just let them see a peak of what’s going on behind the curtain creates a bond with them and relieves some “shame” you might have about yourself.
I use the word shame, because of this lady:
Small example I experienced yesterday: I had to introduce the new subject for my research study (I’ve been taking a class this year 2012-2013), but with buying the property and all… I told you as well: I have been so busy, I didn’t do the work that I should have done by yesterday. And I didn’t feel like talking a lot because I was last in line and the room was 30°C with absolutely no air… so I wanted to do it quickly and let everybody go outside so we all could breathe. Afterwards one of the panel experts told me that I went over it that quickly so that some items from my story were not interpreted correctly by my fellow students. And he was right. I decided to tell him about the fact that I was actually trying to get it done very quickly because I wasn’t feeling so well due to the lack of oxygen in the classroom. And he actually smiled at me in a compassionate way.
Last saturday I was telling my aunt about my house and I kept on rambling about it. So I thought they must be so annoyed by me right now. I said: “I know I can only talk about one thing at the moment.” It’s even possible that I said I’m sorry in that sentence. And she said “oh, but that’s normal, don’t worry about it”. Et voilà, I felt a lot better, less guilty, the shame disappeared.
I also did this at the succesful date last sunday, maybe that’s also why we clicked the way we did.
I love this and hope I can continue to do this :)
- Owning our story (drbillwooten.com)
- Brené Brown: I heart her (janekimball321.wordpress.com)
- I’m Ready (sugarleg.com)
- Why “Wholehearted”? (wholeheartedspirit.net)
- I suck at expressing my feelings. (anahitakay.wordpress.com)