Express yourself

There has been another thing I have been trying to “fix” about myself these past couple of months and as I go I am actually really benefitting from the advantages of it.

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I am talking about: expressing my feelings more. Being more open about them and try to find a way to express them.

I never realised what this could do for a person and I never realised there would be benefits in it at all.

As I mentioned before: I always felt like the odd one out, a shy, awkward girl (now woman) who doesn’t always know how to behave in a self-confident way… often saying nothing because of her fear of people realising she is really weird, sometimes being so enthusiastic while also thinking people would think she was over-the-top really weird, but not caring at the time.

And guess now: fact is I am not that weird at all. Shortly after expressing my feelings more often (even if it sometimes was just an internal job where I would try to define the feeling just for myself), I noticed a lot of people either said they felt the same, or they comforted me and told me that what I felt was normal. Leaving me feeling relieved instead of pondering afterwards about the fact if anyone thought I was being weird or not. I even get the idea that people like me more after I share my feelings and thoughts.

Opening up to people in a small way, just let them see a peak of what’s going on behind the curtain creates a bond with them and relieves some “shame” you might have about yourself.

I use the word shame, because of this lady:

Brené Brown: Listening to shame

Small example I experienced yesterday: I had to introduce the new subject for my research study (I’ve been taking a class this year 2012-2013), but with buying the property and all… I told you as well: I have been so busy, I didn’t do the work that I should have done by yesterday. And I didn’t feel like talking a lot because I was last in line and the room was 30°C with absolutely no air… so I wanted to do it quickly and let everybody go outside so we all could breathe. Afterwards one of the panel experts told me that I went over it that quickly so that some items from my story were not interpreted correctly by my fellow students. And he was right. I decided to tell him about the fact that I was actually trying to get it done very quickly because I wasn’t feeling so well due to the lack of oxygen in the classroom. And he actually smiled at me in a compassionate way.

Last saturday I was telling my aunt about my house and I kept on rambling about it. So I thought they must be so annoyed by me right now. I said: “I know I can only talk about one thing at the moment.” It’s even possible that I said I’m sorry in that sentence. And she said “oh, but that’s normal, don’t worry about it”. Et voilà, I felt a lot better, less guilty, the shame disappeared.

I also did this at the succesful date last sunday, maybe that’s also why we clicked the way we did.

I love this and hope I can continue to do this :)

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4 responses to “Express yourself

  1. Great video. “Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it is the most accurate measure of courage.” That really made me think. I also liked the part about shame vs guilt. Shame meaning feeling bad about oneself and guilt meaning feeling bad about something we did. Really interesting stuff. I’m glad you’ve started speaking your mind, being confident about it and feeling better for doing it. Another piece of the ‘reinventing yourself’ puzzle in place. Well done. ;)

    • It totally is, because you start feeling more confident about what you’re feeling and therefore it gets easier to express yourself. I had another success yesterday :)

      Of course you still feel vulnerable too :) but it does get easier.

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